Auxiliary Regulations 2183
by stevebond1990
Summary: A list of Unofficial Regulations for SR-1 Personnel, modified as necessary. Inspired by 'The Atlantis Handbook', 'Unofficial Rules of the Enterprise' and 'Rules of the Normandy'. Set in Shepard and Shadow universe.


Auxiliary Regulations for SR-1 Personnel

It appeared after Jenkins got out of the Infirmary, on its own board in the Mess so no one could miss it.

Auxiliary Regulations for Personnel

**1\. It is now Forbidden to throw personnel with Biotics, unless you are in combat and the target is an enemy.**

Hey! I wasn't hurt! :Jenkins

I don't think that's the point Rich :Kaidan

**2\. Don't call the Marines Red Shirts.**

Joker! :Shepard

I swear it wasn't me! I actually watch reruns with some of the :Joker

**3\. You can't claim Hazard Pay for Ground Operations if you aren't actually on the Ground during Combat.**

Joker? :Shepard

What? Worth a shot, :Joker

**4\. Teammates are not Meat Shields.**

Thank God! :Ashley

Something you want to say, Gunnery Chief? :Shepard

No Ma'am :Ashley

**5\. Sitting in a Strip Club and paying for a Lap Dance does not constitute collecting information from a contact.**

Come On! It was just ONE dance while we waited for Harkin! :Shepard

**6\. You are not to mock any of the Councillors, no matter how funny.**

Joker! Anderson

Sorry Sir!

Kaidan? Ashley

**7\. Loop-the-Loops are Not permitted.**

I was practicing 'Evasive Manoeuvres' :Joker

Right, and it had nothing to do with that liner of Asari Maidens? :Ashley

**8\. Don't insult the Normandy in earshot of Joker.**

Flight Lieutenant Moreau! :Shepard

I don't regret a damn thing! :Joker

**9\. Don't send the Council an anonymous 'I Told You So', when they're proven wrong.**

Shepaaaaarrd :Anderson

**10\. Do not flip off politicians behind their backs in public, even if it's the least they deserve.**

Commander! :Anderson

Sorry! :Ashley

**11\. No you may not make a Pyjak skin rug.**

It wasn't for me :Shepard

**12\. Stop mentioning the Mako defies the Laws of Physics. We Know.**

Furious muttering :Shepard

**13\. Don't Taunt Murphy! Especially on Uncharted Worlds.**

Seriously Shepard! :Kaidan

Yeah, that's the third time you've opened your mouth and a Thresher Maw has ambushed us :Garrus

**14\. If something seems off, odds are you'll be attacked.**

Saving those colonists was a Fucking Nightmare! :Ashley

Should have just killed them… :Wrex

**15\. Fuzzy dice are now banned from the cockpit of both the Normandy and Mako.**

What?! But the elastic on my last set snapped when we escaped Therum! :Joker

And we are grateful for our more tasteful cockpit :Pressly

**16\. Stop giving Tali 'The Talk.'**

Damn, you can she her blush through her visor :Ashley

**17\. Don't joyride in the Mako until something breaks after Garrus finishes calibrating it.**

So that's why he's storming around like a pissed Krogan, :Ashley

**18\. If a crewmate owes you money from poker night, you are not allowed to sell their balls/ovaries to the Noveria Corporations to make up the debt.**

Joker! :Shepard

**19\. Don't trust a politician, especially Asari diplomats.**

I knew something was off with that bitch, but you wouldn't listen! :Ashley

I know, Williams, :Shepard.

**20\. Commander Francesca Shepard is now Barred from the Galley.**

Come on, it was only a small explosion! :Shepard)

You were making a sandwich, :Tali

**21\. Makos are not expendable, stop breaking them or Udina will dock our pay.**

That makes, what? Five destroyed? :Kaidan

Six, Five we've been driving and the one before last was wrecked when Shepard was sent to collect it from the other side of Zakera Ward, didn't even make it to the ship, :Garrus

**22\. Zerg Rushing Krogan is bad for your health.**

Commander. :Chakwas

OK, in hindsight a bad idea. :Shepard

**23\. Getting Zerg Rushed is also bad for your health.**

Hey, we can't help that. It's all those husks and creeper thingies can do! :Ashley

That's no excuse not to get out of the way! :Chakwas

**24\. No you cannot bring back a Thresher Maw head as a trophy, ok its awesome but there's no room on the ship.**

Damn it! :Shepard

Nice try, Commander, :Joker

**25\. No, you can't bring a date back to the ship.**

JOKER! :Shepard

**26\. The Citadel Fleet is not an obstacle course.**

Joker, when the awe wears off I'm kicking your arse from here to the Presidium and back! :Shepard

Yes, Commander. :Joker

**27\. Seducing your Superior Officer is a one way ticket to an airlock.**

JOKER! :Shepard

We weren't doing anything! :Kaidan

LT, I've seen the video, you two make a cute couple… hey! No need to get mad. :Ashley

WILLIAMS! :Shepard

**28\. You are not to punch reporters, not even when they deserve it.**

OH come on, I never touched her! :Shepard.

We all wanted to, :Garrus

Not like she didn't deserve it. :Wrex

**29\. Bugs. Bad.**

Fucking Rachni. :Ashley

**30\. Incoming Fire/Biotics have the right of way.**

Seriously, why can't we go one week without any of us ending up in the med bay? :Ashley

Shepard's Driving. :Kaidan.

Krogan don't hide in cover. :Wrex

Geth Ambush. :Liara

Shepard's driving. :Garrus

Shepard's Driving. :Tali

Brittle bones and Shepard's driving. :Joker


End file.
